I don't know if it's the baby, or if I'm just that tired of shinanigans. I'm fighting with just about everyone in my life. My best friend and I have been in and out for the past month or so, I've BEEN fighting with my quasi-beau for the length of my pregnancy (6 1/2 months), and lately, I've been really really flipping out on my oldest daughter. She's 16 and really feeling like she's grown and entitled.
Again, I feel like it's my fault. I've spoiled her to no avail. She has chores that are her responsibility, but she never does them, and I don't say anything until I'm totally pissed off, then it becomes flipping out because she's huffing and puffing, and rolling her eyes, and slouching her shoulders, and stomping her feet. WTH!?!? When I was her age, I knew what I had to do. I got up and did it. No, I wasn't perfect, but dammit, I was nowhere near her.
Is 16 too late to put my foot down? It's all of the extras that drive me over the edge though. The huffing and what not. I can't take it, it makes me so angry. But then, she wants to know why I've changed, why I'm always angry, why I'm always cursing and yelling..really??
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Birthday blooooz...
So, yesterday was my birthday...For the very first time that I can remember in a long time, I was extremely sad. I do have a lot going on in my life right now, but I was overly sad yesterday. Everything made me cry. Everything. TV, people wishing me happy birthday, just everything. Maybe it's the baby hormones...I don't know...though, again, this is my 3rd September baby, so I've been pregnant twice before on my birthday. I don't think that was it. My family is pretty big on birthdays...we ALWAYS go to the birthday person's house with a cake and just good conversation. It doesn't matter what day of the week, we just do it. I called everyone and told them not to come, I was just not feeling it and didn't want to bring everyone else down.
My day ended up being ok, I was coaxed to lunch with my baby's dad...that was nice...and he gave me a gift or two...so again, it ended ok.
What I can say though, just do something to make yourself happy at least once a day. If it's calling a friend, watching a favorite program, blowing bubbles with your kids (or alone...lol)...find something. Life is too short. Call someone and tell them you love them. Apologize. You don't have to say for what...maybe you didn't do anything, maybe you did...maybe they just need to hear it.
Depression is real.
My day ended up being ok, I was coaxed to lunch with my baby's dad...that was nice...and he gave me a gift or two...so again, it ended ok.
What I can say though, just do something to make yourself happy at least once a day. If it's calling a friend, watching a favorite program, blowing bubbles with your kids (or alone...lol)...find something. Life is too short. Call someone and tell them you love them. Apologize. You don't have to say for what...maybe you didn't do anything, maybe you did...maybe they just need to hear it.
Depression is real.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Baby labor blues...
So, as you may know, this is my third child...and it's a boy...I'm so happy, I can't stop saying that...it's a boy!!! Jeremy!!!! So...with both of my girls, one born in September of 1994 and the other in September of 2006 (funny, right), I never had morning sickness...I was able to keep up with my regular routines quite honestly up until I was literally in labor with both of them.
When "they" say that each pregnancy is different, "they" ain't never lied. For the first 3 and a half months of this pregnancy, I had "morning sickness" morning, noon, and night. I felt dizzy, nauseous, completely tired ALL of the time, just a wreck. I knew that no matter what I gave birth to, it would be the last time, and I think the man upstairs decided that I needed to have a true "pregnant" experience, because I had always boasted about how "easy" my pregnancies were. Now don't get me wrong, no pregnancy is easy, but I have heard and witnessed horror stories. Thankfully, I'd had no toxemia, diabetes, no horrific acne, no nose spread, no dark neck, and most importantly, no problems with either of my babies. I did have issues with my hair (totally minor in the grand scheme of things), I was uncomfortable, tired, experienced swelling, weight gain (about 50lbs with each), and one or two other minor issues. So to me, these were easy compared to what it could have been. My births were fairly easy as well.
My first labor began on Labor Day in 1994 at 9:30pm. It was totally by the book. My first pains were an hour apart, then 50 minutes, then 40 minutes, then 30, then 20, then 10. Once they reached 5 minutes, apart, I began my journey to the hospital. That was around 4am. I was at the hospital around 4:30am, and placed in the hallway of the maternity ward with my mother. My daughter's father, Jeff, had actually made it to the hospital before me...ha!! So as I sat on a hard metal chair, waiting for a room to become available, I quietly dealt with my labor pains that are now 2-3 minutes apart with breathing, and holding my breath (not suggested). The nurses knew that I was 20 years old and that this was my first baby, so as I told them I felt like I had to push, they didn't really believe me. More than once I heard "...oh, it's her first baby". Finally, I was given an examination room around 5:30am. They told Jeff that it would be a while before I gave birth, so he left to tell my mother (who had gone for coffee) what was happening. I was told to change from my clothes into the hospital gown and to climb onto the exam table. As I walked into the bathroom, I knew how badly I had to make number 1, but I was afraid that the baby would fall into the toilet...lol...so I just changed and got onto the exam table. My pains were worse now, and there was NO ONE anywhere to be found. My water broke on the table, and I began to panic because all I could imagine was the baby flying out and falling onto the floor. "Hello? Is anyone there," I called. No one. I swear it was like a scene from a movie. There was no sound no one at all in sight. Now I was in full panic. "HEELLLLOOOOOOOO????????" I screamed this time. A nurse came to the door and asked me what the problem was. LOL...Uhhh, nothing...or maybe I'm having a baby here. I said, "the baby is coming". "No it's not," she responded. I spread my legs and showed her what I now know was the fact that I was crowning. "Oh my God...it is", she exclaimed. Finally!!!! Someone was in panic mode like me. So needless to say, a nurse delivered my baby in the examination room. Maybe I should say she caught my baby. Just as I thought...my baby popped out. Literally. I never had an exam, the nurse told me to take a deep breath, and when I did, Jeff's head popped into the doorway, and Ajanna Elyse popped out with a nasty juicy popping sound. LOL. He is naturally fair skinned, but he immediately lost his color...kind of like on cartoons when the color leaves their skin when they're afraid. It was quite a comical scene. What time do you think my baby was born?? 5:43am. Yes, 13 minutes after they put me in the room. Crazy, right?
My second labor began at 5:30am on the 5th Anniversary of 9/11. I emailed my boss and told her that I was in labor, and just sat downstairs documenting my labor pains. These were insanely sporadic. None were ever more than 15 minutes apart. 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 1 minute, 10 minutes, 4 minutes. It was crazy. By 9:30am, I woke my beau, Ernest, and Ajanna who was now 12 years old. I told them that it was time and that they needed to get ready. I of course was already ready. I called my doctor to tell him that my labor was odd, and the nurse told me to come to the office. I reluctantly agreed, and I said "...oooookaaayy, if you're sure", feeling like my daughter would definitely be born in the office. As my family prepared, the nurse called me back and said that I should just go directly to the hospital. Yeah, I thought so. So, as Ajanna and I stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Ernest, telling him that I feel like I have to push...I couldn't believe how slow he was! LOL. We left the house at about 10:15am and made it to the hospital by about 10:45am. I walked in with my daughter while Ernest parked the car. I had pre-registered this time, so I went directly to Labor and Delivery, bypassing the emergency room. I sat at the admissions desk, giving information, which to me defeated the purpose of pre-registering...once again breathing and not breathing...at least I had a soft chair this time...lol. I was admitted within 10 minutes this time though, and was in my lovely delivery room by 11:15am. This time, I was able to change, and be examined. I was fully dilated and ready to have my baby. Caira Lourie (pronounced LooRee) was born at 11:33am.
So, as you can see, I don't like to be at hospitals, getting poked and prodded. I like to be at home, with my own surroundings, doing things my own way until it's time to push...lol. 8 hours the first time, and 6 hours the second time. I don't think I'll wait so long to get to the hospital this time...lol.
Stay tuned for my labor drama this time...
xoxo
When "they" say that each pregnancy is different, "they" ain't never lied. For the first 3 and a half months of this pregnancy, I had "morning sickness" morning, noon, and night. I felt dizzy, nauseous, completely tired ALL of the time, just a wreck. I knew that no matter what I gave birth to, it would be the last time, and I think the man upstairs decided that I needed to have a true "pregnant" experience, because I had always boasted about how "easy" my pregnancies were. Now don't get me wrong, no pregnancy is easy, but I have heard and witnessed horror stories. Thankfully, I'd had no toxemia, diabetes, no horrific acne, no nose spread, no dark neck, and most importantly, no problems with either of my babies. I did have issues with my hair (totally minor in the grand scheme of things), I was uncomfortable, tired, experienced swelling, weight gain (about 50lbs with each), and one or two other minor issues. So to me, these were easy compared to what it could have been. My births were fairly easy as well.
My first labor began on Labor Day in 1994 at 9:30pm. It was totally by the book. My first pains were an hour apart, then 50 minutes, then 40 minutes, then 30, then 20, then 10. Once they reached 5 minutes, apart, I began my journey to the hospital. That was around 4am. I was at the hospital around 4:30am, and placed in the hallway of the maternity ward with my mother. My daughter's father, Jeff, had actually made it to the hospital before me...ha!! So as I sat on a hard metal chair, waiting for a room to become available, I quietly dealt with my labor pains that are now 2-3 minutes apart with breathing, and holding my breath (not suggested). The nurses knew that I was 20 years old and that this was my first baby, so as I told them I felt like I had to push, they didn't really believe me. More than once I heard "...oh, it's her first baby". Finally, I was given an examination room around 5:30am. They told Jeff that it would be a while before I gave birth, so he left to tell my mother (who had gone for coffee) what was happening. I was told to change from my clothes into the hospital gown and to climb onto the exam table. As I walked into the bathroom, I knew how badly I had to make number 1, but I was afraid that the baby would fall into the toilet...lol...so I just changed and got onto the exam table. My pains were worse now, and there was NO ONE anywhere to be found. My water broke on the table, and I began to panic because all I could imagine was the baby flying out and falling onto the floor. "Hello? Is anyone there," I called. No one. I swear it was like a scene from a movie. There was no sound no one at all in sight. Now I was in full panic. "HEELLLLOOOOOOOO????????" I screamed this time. A nurse came to the door and asked me what the problem was. LOL...Uhhh, nothing...or maybe I'm having a baby here. I said, "the baby is coming". "No it's not," she responded. I spread my legs and showed her what I now know was the fact that I was crowning. "Oh my God...it is", she exclaimed. Finally!!!! Someone was in panic mode like me. So needless to say, a nurse delivered my baby in the examination room. Maybe I should say she caught my baby. Just as I thought...my baby popped out. Literally. I never had an exam, the nurse told me to take a deep breath, and when I did, Jeff's head popped into the doorway, and Ajanna Elyse popped out with a nasty juicy popping sound. LOL. He is naturally fair skinned, but he immediately lost his color...kind of like on cartoons when the color leaves their skin when they're afraid. It was quite a comical scene. What time do you think my baby was born?? 5:43am. Yes, 13 minutes after they put me in the room. Crazy, right?
My second labor began at 5:30am on the 5th Anniversary of 9/11. I emailed my boss and told her that I was in labor, and just sat downstairs documenting my labor pains. These were insanely sporadic. None were ever more than 15 minutes apart. 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 1 minute, 10 minutes, 4 minutes. It was crazy. By 9:30am, I woke my beau, Ernest, and Ajanna who was now 12 years old. I told them that it was time and that they needed to get ready. I of course was already ready. I called my doctor to tell him that my labor was odd, and the nurse told me to come to the office. I reluctantly agreed, and I said "...oooookaaayy, if you're sure", feeling like my daughter would definitely be born in the office. As my family prepared, the nurse called me back and said that I should just go directly to the hospital. Yeah, I thought so. So, as Ajanna and I stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Ernest, telling him that I feel like I have to push...I couldn't believe how slow he was! LOL. We left the house at about 10:15am and made it to the hospital by about 10:45am. I walked in with my daughter while Ernest parked the car. I had pre-registered this time, so I went directly to Labor and Delivery, bypassing the emergency room. I sat at the admissions desk, giving information, which to me defeated the purpose of pre-registering...once again breathing and not breathing...at least I had a soft chair this time...lol. I was admitted within 10 minutes this time though, and was in my lovely delivery room by 11:15am. This time, I was able to change, and be examined. I was fully dilated and ready to have my baby. Caira Lourie (pronounced LooRee) was born at 11:33am.
So, as you can see, I don't like to be at hospitals, getting poked and prodded. I like to be at home, with my own surroundings, doing things my own way until it's time to push...lol. 8 hours the first time, and 6 hours the second time. I don't think I'll wait so long to get to the hospital this time...lol.
Stay tuned for my labor drama this time...
xoxo
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Judging books by their covers...
Ok, so I had to work for a few hours today, did an open house in my area. I got two leads that I'm hoping will pay off. That was the good part of my day. I won't mention that I was staaarving during my lowly 3 hour stay between 1 and 4. LOL...I haven't really been hungry so far during this pregnancy, but I guess it's starting. I brought an apple, a banana, and an orange with me. Ate all of them, and felt like I had eaten NOTHING...lol...
So, on the way to drop some things off at the real estate office, I ran into the local fish market...yes, and ordered some horrible fried scallops, shrimp, whiting, and fries...bad mommy...but it was soooo good. So, on the way out, a black woman about my age was coming in. I looked at her, hard angry face...head scarf on...sweatpants...etc, you get the idea, right? So I moved to the side so she could 'baby phat stomp' in (that's what my girlfriend and I call nasty stank walks...have you ever seen Kimora's models walk the runway??? For couture, it's cool, for the streets, not so much). Much to my chagrin, she held the door for me. WTF..."...Oh...thank you...," I squeaked out, in sheer shock. "You're welcome" she replied. Wow. See that? Just because a person looks like they are having the day from hell doesn't mean that they will act like they are.
I usually make it a point not to judge people with a glance, because I HATE when people do it to me. I felt like poop on a stick for doing that to that lady. I'm putting it out into the stratosphere with hopes that she didn't even realize my judgemental gaze. I'm sorry miss lady :(
Now, you know, this works both ways. I used to be one of those flip-lip young chicks. Very quick to spew a quirky remark to someone who I felt gave me a nasty look, or stepped on my shoe. I didn't start mess, but I definitely verbally finished it. You just can't do that though. I try to teach my kids that too. You never know the kind of day a person is having. You don't know if they just lost someone close to them, their job, their reason for living. And you don't know if a kind word will keep someone from taking themselves out...or you for that matter. You just never know.
So today...or maybe tomorrow since it's late afternoon, make it your business NOT to judge that person with the ratty clothes, or the matted hair, who may or may not be talking to themselves. Just make way, and let them go about their business.
Say hello or give a smile to that person who's looking a bit haggard, your face could be the one that makes them feel like life just may be worth living. A small word to the wise though...don't make eye contact with the ones that you are convinced are crazy (a lil hypocritical right? I know, sorry, but it's true...you won't be able to get rid of them).
xoxo
So, on the way to drop some things off at the real estate office, I ran into the local fish market...yes, and ordered some horrible fried scallops, shrimp, whiting, and fries...bad mommy...but it was soooo good. So, on the way out, a black woman about my age was coming in. I looked at her, hard angry face...head scarf on...sweatpants...etc, you get the idea, right? So I moved to the side so she could 'baby phat stomp' in (that's what my girlfriend and I call nasty stank walks...have you ever seen Kimora's models walk the runway??? For couture, it's cool, for the streets, not so much). Much to my chagrin, she held the door for me. WTF..."...Oh...thank you...," I squeaked out, in sheer shock. "You're welcome" she replied. Wow. See that? Just because a person looks like they are having the day from hell doesn't mean that they will act like they are.
I usually make it a point not to judge people with a glance, because I HATE when people do it to me. I felt like poop on a stick for doing that to that lady. I'm putting it out into the stratosphere with hopes that she didn't even realize my judgemental gaze. I'm sorry miss lady :(
Now, you know, this works both ways. I used to be one of those flip-lip young chicks. Very quick to spew a quirky remark to someone who I felt gave me a nasty look, or stepped on my shoe. I didn't start mess, but I definitely verbally finished it. You just can't do that though. I try to teach my kids that too. You never know the kind of day a person is having. You don't know if they just lost someone close to them, their job, their reason for living. And you don't know if a kind word will keep someone from taking themselves out...or you for that matter. You just never know.
So today...or maybe tomorrow since it's late afternoon, make it your business NOT to judge that person with the ratty clothes, or the matted hair, who may or may not be talking to themselves. Just make way, and let them go about their business.
Say hello or give a smile to that person who's looking a bit haggard, your face could be the one that makes them feel like life just may be worth living. A small word to the wise though...don't make eye contact with the ones that you are convinced are crazy (a lil hypocritical right? I know, sorry, but it's true...you won't be able to get rid of them).
xoxo
Friday, April 16, 2010
Random thoughts
So, I felt the baby poke me for the first time on Saturday. I can't call it a kick, cause s/he's not big enough for it to feel like a kick, just a mild poke...but it was beautiful. It lets you know that something wonderful is really happening in there!! My nausea, headaches, tiredness, and dizziness have finally calmed down. I was so not used to that. With my two girls, I had NONE of it. I guess someone know that this is the last hoorah and wants me to feel every aspect of being pregnant...lol. It's cool though, I wouldn't change it. It's only temporary, right??
I still haven't done a YT video...I'm feeling really sorry about that. I can't decide what to do, and when I do think of something, the feeling floats right on past me. I feel so guilty. I know that my subbies deserve more, and I am going to get it to them...I promise...pinky promise myself. I was planning on doing some yard-work with my oldest daughter while the little one visits her nanna on Saturday, but I hear it's going to rain. That should give me time to knock out some videos...
I'm still working full-time, and part-time with real estate. I need to hurry up and stack some cash before the new one pops his/her lil head out. I have time saved up for vacation with work, plus my maternity leave...it just always seems like it's never enough...we shall see though.
I still haven't done a YT video...I'm feeling really sorry about that. I can't decide what to do, and when I do think of something, the feeling floats right on past me. I feel so guilty. I know that my subbies deserve more, and I am going to get it to them...I promise...pinky promise myself. I was planning on doing some yard-work with my oldest daughter while the little one visits her nanna on Saturday, but I hear it's going to rain. That should give me time to knock out some videos...
I'm still working full-time, and part-time with real estate. I need to hurry up and stack some cash before the new one pops his/her lil head out. I have time saved up for vacation with work, plus my maternity leave...it just always seems like it's never enough...we shall see though.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Whoa it's been forever...
So, yes, it's been like 3 months since I've chatted, but trust me, quite a bit has been going on. The first and most important this is....ready???? I'm PREGNANT!!! I'm so excited! I'm exactly four months today...and sooooo hoping for a boy. This pregnancy has been totally different than my two girls...I have been so sick, ALL THE TIME!!! I never got sick with my girls. I hope that this is a clue.
I've had some relationship drama a well, and am just reevaluating everything. I am working on getting back to me. It's hard when you start your family early in life to keep focus on who you are and what you want...but now is the time for me to focus. I have settled in my life with so many things. Now is really the time for me to focus on the things that I want to focus on...writing, make-up, and voice overs.
I've been taking some classes in NY and am headed to another today. I promise to get back to blogging and to doing videos...these are things that make me happy and take my mind off of the not so good things that are going on...so look for me soon.
I've had couple of requests for hair videos...and someone suggested I do a pregnancy chronicle...so I may do that as well, we shall see...
Sky's the limit, right???? Let me know if there's anything that you would like to see or if you have any hair or makeup questions...or question on anything...
I've had some relationship drama a well, and am just reevaluating everything. I am working on getting back to me. It's hard when you start your family early in life to keep focus on who you are and what you want...but now is the time for me to focus. I have settled in my life with so many things. Now is really the time for me to focus on the things that I want to focus on...writing, make-up, and voice overs.
I've been taking some classes in NY and am headed to another today. I promise to get back to blogging and to doing videos...these are things that make me happy and take my mind off of the not so good things that are going on...so look for me soon.
I've had couple of requests for hair videos...and someone suggested I do a pregnancy chronicle...so I may do that as well, we shall see...
Sky's the limit, right???? Let me know if there's anything that you would like to see or if you have any hair or makeup questions...or question on anything...
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